You are in China. You have depression. You feel all alone. You want to check out. I don’t know who you are. But I know what you are going through, because I have been there. You may think nobody cares, but I care.
你在中国。你患有
抑郁症。你感到
孤独。你想要知道自己怎么了。我不知道你是谁。但是我知道你正在经历的一切，因为我曾经也站在那个位置。你可能觉得没有人在乎，但是我在乎。
On this year's World Suicide Prevention day (9/10), I wrote this poem for those...
在今年的世界预防
自杀日（9月10日），我为这些人写下这首诗：
whose light’s dimmed by depression,
他们的心灯被抑郁症的黑暗笼罩，
who feel so much pain and despair, and are ready to go,
他们的痛苦难以承受，准备离开这个世界，
whose life hangs by a string and nobody knows.
他们命悬一线却鲜为人知。
I hope this poem can bring you the strength to hang in there.
我希望这首诗可以给你支撑下去的力量。
It’s disappointing, when you look into the mirror every morning
当清晨镜中的你满面愁容
It’s terrifying when you stand at the tip of a cliff with no space to back away
当险峻崖边的你回首途穷
It’s hopeless, lost in the ocean without the sight of the shore
当绝望于沧海，渺渺无尽
It’s painful, when the music plays and the heart aches
当沉浸于悲乐，难忍苦痛
It’s suffocating, when you try to breath but it feels like you are in a vacuum
恰如在真空中呼吸，徒劳无功
The rest is nothing, pulseless, numb
周遭——死寂、麻木、虚空
One day, you hear a voice in your head that tells you to end it all
“结束吧，结束吧！”一个声音回响脑中
It’s scary at first
最初，最初，它是惧怕，是惶恐
Soon, the never ending pain makes the voice sound gentle
很快，很快，不止的痛令它温柔而朦胧
You look inside
你瞅瞅你的心
Your soul has already rotted
那灵魂早已不再青葱
You can be surrounded by people who love you
哪怕爱你的人们仍与你相拥
But still feel totally alone
孤独却如附身，牢牢停驻
There’s only pain left, the undesirable pointless pain
痛苦是你唯一的感知，即使荒谬，即使令人忡忡
One day, you decide it's time to follow the voice
有一天，你决定随着声音，离去匆匆
There comes the plan
那个计划，已经蠢蠢欲动
You can’t think anymore
你不愿去想
You know it’s gonna hurt people around you
爱你的人会怎样遍体鳞伤
You have said sorry to them in your head thousands of times
对不起，对不起——千遍万遍，你歉意浓浓
For the pain you are going to cause them
却也无法补偿你走后他们的绝望伤痛
You wrestle with following the plan
你与你的计划厮杀、挣扎
You call the suicide prevention hotline when the world is asleep
当世界沉睡，你拨通自杀预防热线的号码
You are talking to a person on the other end about your life
你谈起你的生活，对那个陌生的他
There’s not much to talk about
却发现寥寥数语便结束对话
You just don’t get why you feel this way
你疑惑这样的感受从何而来
That person makes you promise not to kill yourself
却向他承诺了不会自杀
You say the words you know they want to hear
这一些，只是他们想要听到的话
Only to find the voice in your head is louder
但你脑海的声响却一再变大
One day, you write a letter
这一日，你开始写一封信
To people that you know who will want an answer
因为人们将会需要一个来自你的回答
You pick up the pen
拾起沉重的笔
There seems to be so much that you want to say
心中千万思绪繁复如麻
But words don’t come
笔尖却干涩地停下
You write while tears pour down your cheek:
一字一句，你的泪水滚落脸颊
“Sorry, I can’t do it any longer. I have depression. I am too sick to get well. I am sorry…”
“对不起，我不能再坚持。我抑郁了。对不起。我的生活再无法灿烂如霞……”
Strangely, some days you start to feel a bit better
莫名之中， 你偶尔感到些许欢欣
Knowing that you are going to rest in peace
你向往着将要到来的安然平静
Other days, you feel nervous
Not knowing what’s after death
想着死后会是怎样的情景
But you decide to gamble
放手一搏吧，还能怎样
You are already burning in a living hell
你的世界早已入地狱般苍凉、无情
The rest of the days, you see this world in slow motion
世界的慢动作填充着你的仅剩光阴
You frame the
smile of your friends in your head
你脑海铺满朋友们微笑的剪影
You take a snap shot with your eyes,
你用双眸拍下的快照里
The corner of the road you turn every day as you pass by it
是每日途径的那个转角的风景
You dance with your friends for the last time
朋友们，再跳一支舞吧
After your favorite song
随着你最爱的那一首歌
You hug them as usual,
你拥抱他们一如平常
But tighter
却不自觉地搂得更紧
You are saying goodbye
再见，再见——你这样说着
But no one knows that you are saying goodbye…
却无人知晓，无人聆听
You are scared when the day comes
你对那一天的到来充满恐惧
You’ve never been that scared
前所未有的那般恐惧
Your body is shaking because it still wants to live
你求生着的、颤栗着的身躯
But your mind is determined to destroy the demon that torments you
抵不过你坚定的反抗着的意志：不要折磨，远离残酷
Taking your life is the only way to do that
死亡是唯一解决问题的光明之路
You affirm to the voice
你随着这个声音
And you close your eyes
你闭上你的眼睛
“I never imagined it would end this way
“从未料到我的生命将这样结束
Goodbye, life”
永别，这就是我人生的结局”
Your body isn’t ready to go,
反抗着的你的身体
It fights back
它不愿离去，不愿停止呼吸
You wake up feeling disoriented and useless
你醒来，茫然无助，灰心丧气
For a second time, you have to make a big life decision
那一刻，你必须做下那个决定
“To live”
“活下去”
I never knew I could come out of this
我从未预料到自己能从这样的魔爪下逃离
Now every day is a given
而如今，我视每一日珍贵如恩赐
I allow myself to be frustrated, sad, angry or broken at times
有时，有时，焦躁、难过、生气，可这些都没有关系
I am glad depression didn’t take me
因为抑郁未夺去我生命已令人欣喜
I am grateful to be able to smell, see, hear and feel
鼻灵、耳聪、目明，以及能感知的魂灵，我心怀感激
Life is a miracle
生命是个奇迹
My life is a miracle
我的生命是个奇迹
Please know that depression is a medical illness (go to Depression Causes session for more info). I got through it, and so will you! You can't promise that life won’t try to take you down, but you can promise your life to try battle it.
要知道抑郁症是一种病症，我已经康复了，你也会的！你无法保证生活不会试图击垮你，但你可以保证你会用你的生命抗争到底。
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